espejismos

Cuando creo que te has ido, regresas, y es que resulta que anoche soñe contigo. Ni si quiera entiendo porque sucedio. Pero resultaste esa noche, como en tantas otras noches. No te habia visto en un buen tiempo, por eso verte me parecio agradable, sobre todo cuando hace mucho que no te veo ni en foto. Eras el mismo, el de siempre. Reconozco que los años no pasaban por ti, eras el mismo niño regio y delgado que conocia. Sin duda. Habias vuelto pero comprendia que esta vez ya no era por mi, si no por el azar de la vida que nos volviamos a trompezar. Parte de mi aun se sentia como aquella muchacha joven que conociste. Esta oportunidad no era para volvernos a amar. No, esos dias ya no podian existir entre los dos. Muchas cosas habian cambiado, pero nuestro aspecto fisico se habia paralizado en el tiempo. Te hablaba como si no recordaramos las circumstancias en las que nos dejamos de hablar. Parte de ti me habia perdonado eso, y parte de mi preferia no recordarlo. Asi aprendi que estubiste trabajando en varios hoteles, fuiste gerente de una pizzeria conocida, inclusive llegaste hasta la gran manzana, pero segun me decias, no era gran cambio. Caminamos juntos, pero separados, quizas tomariamos una copa en un bar, quizas no nos volveriamos a ver cuando salieramos del edificio. Pero supe que aun estabas, y que me perdonaste por la manera en que te trate la ultima vez que conversamos. No se si hayas muerto, pero comienzo a creer que te moriste hace tiempo, te he buscado, pero en ningun lugar te encuentro. Todo indica que te trago la tierra, y por ahora la unica manera de comunicarnos es por sueños/.

this old house

We arrived at the supermarket in the suv but they were remodeling the parking lot and I parked on the grass. I saw jose walk in as he had to get a few items and Iwated for him in the car. Seems like I got restless or maybe it was the kids, so we walked into an old house that was for sale. The real estate agent sat with me and the kids on the table and we ordered from a menu. We talked aout the house and we may have considered buying it. I took a look around, I guess I liked it not because it was a beautiful house, but because it was aidferent from what we currently have, so anything different from what I'm ccostumed to see is definitely interesting even though its not. I spoke to Jose of a comment my mom had made about our son when he was younger, and although it wasn't a bad comment in any sense, my mom pulled me aside when Jose left the room to reprimand me for telling him what she had confided in me. I grew upset because I saw no harm in mentioning her comment to him, and I tried to downplay the situation, but I grew irritable and made it clear she had blown the situation out of proportion. This behavior on behave of my mome was atypical of her usual self and I excused her in reality because I acknowledged I was dreaming. I went back to the dining room table ans a girl that sat beside me had dropped the spaguetti on the floor and the heel of her stilettos dug into the laminate/wood flooring and I felt deceived by the real estate agent because we were seriously considering the house. By the time we had to pay for the check jose was gone and I saw that we had to pay 400 dollars and I refused to pull my credit card out because it was a ridiculous amount to pay for spaguetti and poor service. in fact I even believe it was home made. The chefs fee was 150 dollars, and even so I thought it was ridiculous. I wanted jose to come back to dispute the amount but then I woke up and realized it was all a bad dream.

bygones be bygones.

My aunt, she appeared to me in a dream. She was different. She looked younger, friendlier than how I recalled her last, and seemed happy and satisfied with her marriage. I asked her about her changes, she didn't admit she had a facelift, but I could tell it was so. She expressed the desire to become a mother again. Her daughter would donate her eggs and have them implated in her. She wanted to bear a child with her much younger husband. I've seen him only in photos. He's not good looking, but he's younger than her, so they make a match.
I realized we were talking about her life as we walked in a building. Somebody was waiting for me at another level in the building. We reached the cafeteria and saw that posterboards were leaning against the wall. I saw my name written on them and realized my cousins were waiting for me so I could help out with the food fair. I thought it would be interesting. In the mean time, I'm still baffled by my aunt. We're so friendly, and suddenly I realize that time has gone by.

don't forget me

I walk as fast as I can, but I can't walk fast enough. I cross the street and I know somebody is watching me.
It's dark. I enter a candy store. I’m the only one. The owner is a middle aged man and he is attentive. He is aware that I was followed and closes the store just for me. As soon as it's safe to leave, I purchase some items. I want to smoke so I ask for a pack of Marlboro lights and a lighter. I normally don’t smoke but I want to. He didn't have a lighter to sell so he gave away his own for free and he throws in his cell phone holder too. It made no sense to me why in the world he would have the need to give me that, but I take it any way. Something is better than nothing. I think.
I leave the store, and I walk. I try to catch up with the girls ahead of me but I'm sluggish. I have trouble moving my legs quickly. I try to run but I don’t run. I just feel like I’m moving in slow motion, but none the less I’m moving. I reach a warehouse. I try to rest. Boxes surround me. I have family, an aunt. She has food and I want to drink wine, beer anything to feel glad, carefree, to feel like me. I realize I'm happiest when I can be that free. I find my champagne glasses, they're from my wedding, but I don't care, I don't mind sharing them. So I pull them out of the cupboard. I search for the wine bottle, and found the bottle my sister in law gave us. I need to forget, but instead I remember not so long ago, this trip I had to an amusement park. I remember a startling thought: "this is where we said goodbye"