So we reunited again during one of my travels to Latin America only this time we knew that we were caught in what could potentially lead us to a riveting affair we waited for twenty-something years or so. You looked older, and though in reality you are younger than me, you had not aged as well as I, yet those features I liked of you when we remained, your blond hair, fair skin, tall, and lean body..intact.
You led me to your condo by the beach, it was huge. I knew we would have some fun there, catching up... but instead you wanted to make love to me for lack of a better word. The word "sex" occurred to me but sounded cheap and meaningless though I knew perfectly well that we weren't in love, and never were and suddenly realized that I didn't want to be with you anymore and did not have the heart to turn you away. So I went to the bathroom disrobed and took a shower hoping that perhaps you would join me and I would have a change of heart but that didn't work. You waited for me half naked on your bed and I was taken away by your gorgeous body, how could I be so lucky and not want to sleep with you? And its true, I didn't want to but willed myself to you and we kissed, yet the kiss lacked passion, feeling, and I felt it though I doubt you felt that way too. You wanted to have unprotected sex and I cleverly said ' you don't know where I've been, nor do I know where you've been...' and you realized that I was right and fumbled around looking for a a condom. I was buying myself time, but my hear was not with you so as you looked, I wrapped my arms around you and whispered in your ear...'you know, I had the biggest crush on you in junior high school, and when I told you how I felt, all you said was 'thank you'. --- and that's the truth, I remember it well, could not forget that to this day...and as I reminded you of that moment, I smiled, because it didn't matter to me anymore, it was something that I just remembered as a funny anecdote , because boys can be so funny and imature when they are young. And there I was naked, about to make love to you.... about to have you and I didn't want you.
You didn't sense this.. and as I reflected on this irony of the moment, I realized that I could not justify making love to you without loving you and decided to walk away forever.
10.10.2010
You and I ... till the end of the World
It's been a long time since I've met you boy, and part of me thinks I've forgotten about you and yet part of me knows that I don't. But last night, you chose to manifest yourself and creep out of my subconscious right into my dreams. For the record, we didn't hold a serious relationship, we drifted together one summer night on the bus ride to Acapulco... and fell in love in a series of meaningful yet playful conversations typical of eighteen year old's, so as you can imagine they were as deep as can be when you are that young.
But going back to my dream... we were back in time, but older. I knew if because I noticed wrinkles on my face, and also noticed them on yours when I checked briefly as you pressed me tightly against your chest. We enjoyed each others company but there was no sexual tension. Who know where it went, but I wanted to be there with you nonetheless.
We enjoyed the cool night breeze as we gazed up at the stars from the rooftop of my house. I knew it was bizarre sitting beside you in silence when we usually have so much to say. My young cousin was desperately trying to draw your attention, but we just stared at the spectacle she made of herself. She was pretty, but not as pretty as me. I was secure of your affection towards me... (you always made me feel that way.)
One winter evening and barely saying a word, we found our way to Canada and then we boarded the next train to Alaska. The cold weather didn't stop us, we were bundled up. If love led the way, we knew instinctively that we were destined to nowhere but we withstood the heartache of the inevitable...only a few more hours and we would be there. We witnessed how others prepared for the end, the government rounded up the last of the few that were still trying to leave, but you and I knew there was no way to save anyone anymore, we knew it though we didn't say it.
The tides rose on the horizon, the open sea was monstrous, menacing, promising to come and wash us away if we didn't flee. Officers led us to an abandoned school, sickly children were nursed by volunteers. I knew we wouldn't survive, nobody would. Love nor God could save us from the inevitable.... the world was running on time, we were on a crash course collision to the end of time as we know it...
But going back to my dream... we were back in time, but older. I knew if because I noticed wrinkles on my face, and also noticed them on yours when I checked briefly as you pressed me tightly against your chest. We enjoyed each others company but there was no sexual tension. Who know where it went, but I wanted to be there with you nonetheless.
We enjoyed the cool night breeze as we gazed up at the stars from the rooftop of my house. I knew it was bizarre sitting beside you in silence when we usually have so much to say. My young cousin was desperately trying to draw your attention, but we just stared at the spectacle she made of herself. She was pretty, but not as pretty as me. I was secure of your affection towards me... (you always made me feel that way.)
One winter evening and barely saying a word, we found our way to Canada and then we boarded the next train to Alaska. The cold weather didn't stop us, we were bundled up. If love led the way, we knew instinctively that we were destined to nowhere but we withstood the heartache of the inevitable...only a few more hours and we would be there. We witnessed how others prepared for the end, the government rounded up the last of the few that were still trying to leave, but you and I knew there was no way to save anyone anymore, we knew it though we didn't say it.
The tides rose on the horizon, the open sea was monstrous, menacing, promising to come and wash us away if we didn't flee. Officers led us to an abandoned school, sickly children were nursed by volunteers. I knew we wouldn't survive, nobody would. Love nor God could save us from the inevitable.... the world was running on time, we were on a crash course collision to the end of time as we know it...
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