So we reunited again during one of my travels to Latin America only this time we knew that we were caught in what could potentially lead us to a riveting affair we waited for twenty-something years or so. You looked older, and though in reality you are younger than me, you had not aged as well as I, yet those features I liked of you when we remained, your blond hair, fair skin, tall, and lean body..intact.
You led me to your condo by the beach, it was huge. I knew we would have some fun there, catching up... but instead you wanted to make love to me for lack of a better word. The word "sex" occurred to me but sounded cheap and meaningless though I knew perfectly well that we weren't in love, and never were and suddenly realized that I didn't want to be with you anymore and did not have the heart to turn you away. So I went to the bathroom disrobed and took a shower hoping that perhaps you would join me and I would have a change of heart but that didn't work. You waited for me half naked on your bed and I was taken away by your gorgeous body, how could I be so lucky and not want to sleep with you? And its true, I didn't want to but willed myself to you and we kissed, yet the kiss lacked passion, feeling, and I felt it though I doubt you felt that way too. You wanted to have unprotected sex and I cleverly said ' you don't know where I've been, nor do I know where you've been...' and you realized that I was right and fumbled around looking for a a condom. I was buying myself time, but my hear was not with you so as you looked, I wrapped my arms around you and whispered in your ear...'you know, I had the biggest crush on you in junior high school, and when I told you how I felt, all you said was 'thank you'. --- and that's the truth, I remember it well, could not forget that to this day...and as I reminded you of that moment, I smiled, because it didn't matter to me anymore, it was something that I just remembered as a funny anecdote , because boys can be so funny and imature when they are young. And there I was naked, about to make love to you.... about to have you and I didn't want you.
You didn't sense this.. and as I reflected on this irony of the moment, I realized that I could not justify making love to you without loving you and decided to walk away forever.
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