Touch

Touch. A whisper in my ear. Tears fall. Ans suddenly i realize that o love uou. And mone otjer.
Your touch. Us two bodies one soul. If thos is real and i love you then i have all i need before i die.

Tu Retorno

Lo chistoso es que cuando menos te esperaba ahi estabas. Descanzabas en el cuarto que una vez fue mio, en aquel apartamento en NY. Sabia que dormias ahi, y que estabas de paso nada mas. Pero vagamente recordaba que la ultima vez que te vi te deje en la cama despues de discutir sobre asuntos que no tienen caso y cosas que no podemos cambiar. Tenia curiosidad de ti, de entrar y preguntarte como te habia ido, si estabas aburrido, si te irias pronto… y si habias vuelto por mi. Toque la puerta para avisarte que iba entrar y sin esperar que dijeras pasa, entre. Como imaginaba estabas descanzando, pensativo, nuestros ojos se encontraron, pero no nos dijimos nada. No habia que decir. Note que a tu lado dormia el dalai lama, y se me hizo curioso, imagine la razon de tu silencio, y te iba hacer un comentario del dalai lama pero no te dije nada. Entonces me dijiste ‘La ultima vez que te vi, dejamos algo pendiente’ sabia lo que pensabas, yo estaba pensando lo mismo. No hablamos mucho la ultima vez que nos vimos. Como te dije, habia poco si no es que nada que decirnos. Yo seguia en la misma condicion, y tu tambien. Yo estaba casada y con hijos, nada y nadie cambiaria eso, y tu seguias soltero, esperando alquien quien amar y que te amara. Pero mientras tanto regresabas para continuar donde nos quedamos, en nada.

soniando con viejas amistades...

Que significara soniar con una amiga que no veo hace mas de diez anios?
El reencuentro fue natural, como si nos vieremos frecuentemente.  Era obvio que teniamos cierta confianza, pero porque ahora despues de tanto tiempo? Eso nunca lo sabre. Es tan misterioso el mundo de los suenios. 
Ojala pudiese descubrir el significado y entrar en my psyche. Estaria lista para descubrir la verdad de lo que pienso, siento y soy?

regresar al lugar donde vivi....

Cuando pienso que no volvere a soniar con un lugar o  persona ocurre que sueno con el mismo lugar de mi infancia.
Recuerdo que entre en el elevador con el y un grupo de personas mas. Nos paramos distanciados en el pequenio elevador y salimos juntos en el quinto piso.
La puerta del apartamento donde creci estaba semi abierta, y basto con que la empujara tantito para que viera lo que habia cambiado. Estaba oscuro y desordenado. Desconoci los muebles, y donde estaba la cocina era un cuarto y ahi sobre un colchon en el piso descanzaba un ninio que se despertaba al sentir que estaba yo adentro. Rapidamente cerre la puerta. Imediatamente afuera habian varios platos de comida, desayunos, arroz, platanitos, pollo ... un manjar de comida deliciosa y nadie para comerla, asi que el empezo a comer y comer y comer...

dreams and more dreams

I was at my mom's house but it wasn't her house. In fact, I don't think we lived there either. She sat on the couch flipping through a magazine. She showed me an article she was reading and she took out a vial  with rose scented oils.. and she revealed to me that every time she thought about my grandma she would smell roses, so she carried that vial with her as a reminder of those moments. I understood and felt saddened that I had not dreamt of my grandmother for a while and could vaguely remember my last dream with her.  I rode a car to miami. I was in the back seat. We drove past sun life stadium. It was monumental and empty. I took a few snapshots, could not believe my luck.

coming home.

Something strange happened last night. I dreamt about twisters outside my bedroom window in my old apartment in Queens. I also dreamt that I was at my parents house while they were away. When they came home they found me washing dishes and were hungry and I knew they were also dissapointed because I had not cooked anything for them. I felt bad but am a terrible cook. They bought burger king and saved a burger for me. I was hungry too but felt bad that I had nothing waiting for them upon their return. Also saw my brother Chris, he was back from the marines and I saw he had a new phone on his desk and looked like a blackberry but wasn't. He had a funny looking plastic backpack that turned into a frisbee. I also dreamt that I was driving my car on an unfinished road and had to turn around and take another street. It was an awful city. There were swamps everywhere with deadly animals and mosquitos everywhere. It was like a swampland and didn't know what I was stepping on. It was not the best of dreams. A bit scary.

about balloons

we were in town for an event.. balloons , streamers, birthday decorations on trees, plants and on every street corner.. and started to rain we split up unintentionally, there were so many people around. I crossed the street , almost got run over by military horses and made it safely to sidewalk and sat on bleachers. Then Daniel Craig popped out of nowhere started talking ot me very friendly fellow, he seemed familiar with me so we talked, i asked him about his wife rachel and she's alright he said... you showed up didn't know what that was all about.. got a bit jealous you misinterpreted our friendly conversation thought I was cheating on you. Then he got me some balloons and flowers you flipped out and left me.

una muerte no anunciada

Anteanoche soñe que estaba en un parque acuatico y me subia a unas sillas voladoras. Se me mojaba la ropa ya que la arrastraba. El agua era un color verde esmeralda, y sabia que habitaban peces y quizas cocodrilos adentro pero no me atemorizaban. De momento cayo un silencio. Me entere que habia fallecido Justin Bieber, y que las circumstancias de su fallecimiento eran desconocidas. Sorprendida y muda a la vez, me imagine que el misterio de su muerte se debia a que se habia suicidado, sin embargo no habia informacion asi que me quede intrigada. Recorde que Brad Pitt lo habia contratado para un concierto en su casa, y supose que el sabria darle al mundo la razon.

En el trabajo  un compañero me sorprendio cuando me apreto con una mano la cintura. Impactada le dije que me soltara, pero su mano no me dejaba, y mis fuerzas no le igualaban. Dificilmente podia empujarlo. La gente pensaba mal, pensarian que no me esforze lo suficiente para apartarlo de mi.

Anoche soñe que una amiga la cual no veo en decadas paso por mi casa, o yo pase por la suya. No recuerdo ni de que hablamos, pero siendo que es soltera sabia que era dueña de un perrito y que ella siempre se vestia a la moda. Tambien viajaba en un autobus rumbo no se donde a ver no se quien, tenia poco dinero y no queria pedir prestado

On a Mission

I was on a trip to outer space. While listening to music I didn't realize we had taken off, and when i did I was scared of dying. I kept calm until eventually the dream shifted elsewhere. I was with in a subway station in NY or Mexico City with my dad. We had an idea where we were but unsure of our next stop. As we stood trying to figure it out, I sensed a boy pick pocketing me. I struggled briefly with him and he seemed amused. I lost him in a crowd and found myself wandering alone unlit city streets.  I found a stadium and sat next to someone familiar with me, but couldn't remember who it was. I picked up the binoculars and found Robin from how I met your mother. She was a familiar face. Don't know who or what we were waiting to see.

Aerosmith - Dream On (lyrics) HQ Sound

breaking free

I woke up in a dimly lit room inside a castle. I knew not who lived there, but soon met a young Asian woman who greeted me. Though I could not understand her I knew she was willing to help me find a way out, but of course, help came with a price tag. I checked my wallet and handed her Mexican cash.  I knew it was more than she would have expected. She opened the window and showed me the way out. I could have figured that out. I stepped outside to another room filled with dining room furniture. Tea sets were showcased on each table. I wished I could keep my home so ornate, but knew it would never work that way. The amount of furniture was overwhelming, I found out that it used to be a restaurant and that now the Asian woman and her husband were out of business but nonetheless kept living there because that was their home. I was outside, it was dark in the streets. looked up at the windows of the castle (or what I thought it was) and happened to be  just another old apartment building in NY. I saw the woman's shadow through the curtains going about her business. A coworker appeared from nowhere and wanted to install his dish network in his small room inside that apartment building I just broke free from, and he could not find a tech to install it. He was desperately trying to get tv reception, so he can watch soccer. I felt bad for him, it would have been nice to watch some tv. I had an appointment at 7pm with a counselor from my son's school that I didn't realize I had booked, but obliged to attend. It would be held in my elementary school's cafeteria. His counselor asked me if I knew where it was, and I did remember. Before long, I met up with a few cousins from Mexico I barely knew. They were about to have diner and owned a dog that wanted to fight my puppy, but we managed to keep them apart. We awkwardly had small talk. We were family and barely managed to have enough in common. It was time to go to my appointment and I was already half an hour late.

Vestido de Novia

Visite una casa donde desde la ventana del segundo piso miraba a la mama de mi tia Juana barrer su calle que quedaba en frente. Reconoci a la Sra, y derrepente aparece mi prima Heidi vestida de novia con un vestido color crema. Era su boda y poco a poco llego mas gente, el novio y se casaron. Extraniada me pregunte porque no nos habria invitado, y me di cuenta que mi mama estaba conmigo mirando la ceremonia desde la ventana igual que yo.  Entonces se apagaron las luces y me di cuenta que en el cuarto donde estaba con mi mama tambien estaba mi abuelita Eva sentada en un sillon, y a su lado estaba mi tio Victor tambien. Unas luces le iluminaron el rostro a mi abuelita y luego a mi tio. Escuche la voz de un hombre hablar desde el parlante, elogiando a mi abuelita y agradeciendole. Y me parecio que lo mismo hizo por mi tio. 

Despues caminando por el centro comercial me meti en un salon de belleza donde segun yo me estilarian mi cabello pero resulta que habian varias personas esperando antes que yo, y aun asi me sente a esperar. Habia solo una estilista y no se daba basto. Por fin me canze y al darme cuenta que todavia faltaba mucho para mi turno me sali y emprendi un nuevo camino. Me meti en una tienda que vendia refrescos y pan, pero no habia nadie atendiendo asi que carge un refresco en los brazos. Sabia que el habia me llegaba a las rodillas, y percibi que se acercaba un cocodrilo asi que corri hacia el fondo de la tienda y me salte la barda con todo y refresco. Di la vuelta al edificio y pense que me hubicaria sin ningun problema pero resulta que habia caminado mucho hacia la tienda y habia perdido mi camino. Trate de encontrar un punto familiar pero lo di con una feria colorida. Intente tomar de mi refresco pero no me supo a nada y hasta creo que me lo termine demasiado pronto. Me detuve ante el puesto de un vendedor de manteles plasticos para mesas y cortinas para ventanas. Tenia mucho surtido y de multi colores y disenios. Se me antojaba comprarme uno pero como siempre ante tanto de donde elegir no puedo decidirme.  

dreams from weeks past.

I often dream that I can elevate myself and also fly. I can also walk through walls and windows like a ghost. --- About two weeks ago, I had a dream that I was in a classroom building in the middle of the ocean. I looked out the windows and huge waves were converging into one towards me. I thought to myself 'and this is how I die", but I didn't, I managed to ride with the waves, and I new that the key to survival was to find the shoreline, but there was none in sight. This was two weeks ago. Two days ago there was a massive earthquake in Japan that caused Tsunamis to wipe out it's coast and devastated hundreds.

As for last night, I had a nightmare. I saw a new neighbor and said hello to him when we crossed each other in the hallway.  Then I saw him in my home. I had no idea how he came in. Then realized he was a ghost.
I was frightened, but then my dream changed. I was going to jump on a bus in a metropolitan city but forgot a camera bag on a bench inside a walmart. I knew it had to still be there. One of my nephews was there last, and I was positive he may have kept it with him thinking I had forgotten it. When I got to the bench he was gone and so was the camera and bag. 

broken glass

It's been such a long time since I wrote about my dreams.
I clearly remember dreaming about fixing my broken windows. It was windy and cloudy outside and looked like it might rain, but what worried me the most was that thieves could break into my house. So I taped them up and shut the one that was wide open. It was a temporary fix but made me feel better anyway.

breaking and entering

I've been having weird dreams lately. Two nights ago I dreamt that my neighbor and a mob of his friends tried and succeeded at breaking into my home. I was scare because I was with my children. I told my son to dial 911 but his attempts were unsuccessful. When I dialed, I was unable to dial too. It was horrible, I felt helpless and woke up out of breath.

Mis Hombre Aventuras --- My Men Adventures ---------!!!!

So we reunited again during one of my travels to Latin America  only this time we knew that we were caught in  what could potentially lead us to a riveting affair we waited for twenty-something years or so.  You looked older, and though in reality you are younger than me,  you had not aged as well as I, yet those features I liked of you when we remained, your blond hair, fair skin, tall, and lean body..intact.
You led me to your condo by the beach, it was huge. I knew we would have some fun there, catching up... but instead you wanted to make love to me for lack of a better word. The word "sex" occurred to me but sounded  cheap and meaningless though I knew perfectly well that we weren't in love, and never were and suddenly realized that I didn't want to be with you anymore and did not have the heart to turn you away. So I went to the bathroom disrobed and took a shower hoping that perhaps you would join me and I would have a change of heart but that didn't work. You waited for me half naked on your bed and I was taken away by your gorgeous body, how could I be so lucky and not want to sleep with you? And its true, I didn't want to but willed myself to you and we kissed, yet the kiss lacked passion, feeling, and I felt it though I doubt you felt that way too. You wanted to have unprotected sex and I cleverly said ' you don't know where I've been, nor do I know where you've been...' and you realized that I was right and fumbled around looking for a a condom.  I was buying myself time, but my hear was not with you so as you looked, I wrapped my arms around you and whispered in your ear...'you know, I had the biggest crush on you in junior high school, and when I told you how I felt, all you said was 'thank you'. --- and that's the truth, I remember it well, could not forget that to this day...and as I reminded you of that moment, I smiled, because it didn't matter to me anymore, it was something that I just remembered as a funny anecdote , because boys can be so funny and imature when they are young. And there I was naked, about to make love to you.... about to have you and I didn't want you.
You didn't sense this.. and as I reflected on this irony of the moment,  I realized that I could not justify making love to you without loving you and decided to walk away forever.

252C0338-DB07-3D67-4F1B-9B71A4FB413C

1.03.01

You and I ... till the end of the World

It's been a long time since I've met you boy, and part of me thinks I've  forgotten about you  and yet part of me knows that I don't. But last night, you chose to manifest yourself and creep out of my subconscious right into my dreams. For the record, we didn't hold a serious relationship, we drifted together one summer night on the bus ride to Acapulco... and fell in love in a series of meaningful yet playful conversations typical of eighteen year old's, so as you can imagine they were as deep as can be when you are that young.
But going back to my dream... we were back in time, but older. I knew if because I noticed wrinkles on my face, and also noticed them on yours when I checked briefly as you pressed me tightly against your chest. We enjoyed each others company but there was no sexual tension. Who know where it went, but I wanted to be there with you nonetheless.
We enjoyed the cool night breeze as we gazed up at the stars from the rooftop of my house. I knew it was bizarre sitting beside you in silence when we usually have so much to say. My young cousin was desperately trying to draw your attention, but we just stared at the spectacle she made of herself. She was pretty, but not as pretty as me. I was secure of your affection towards me... (you always made me feel that way.)
One winter evening and barely saying a word, we found our way to Canada and then we boarded the next train to Alaska.  The cold weather didn't stop us, we were bundled up. If love led the way, we knew instinctively that we were destined to nowhere but we withstood the heartache of the inevitable...only a few more hours and we would be there. We witnessed how others prepared for the end, the government rounded up the last of the few that were still trying to leave, but you and I knew there was no way to save anyone anymore, we knew it though we didn't say it.
The tides rose on the horizon, the open sea was monstrous, menacing, promising to come and wash us away if we didn't flee. Officers led us to an abandoned school, sickly children were nursed by volunteers. I knew we wouldn't survive, nobody would. Love nor God could save us from the inevitable.... the world was running on time, we were on a crash course collision to the end of time as we know it...

the wedding revisited

Most people would say that people can forget other people, but I'm not like most people. I have a tendency to remember a lot of strange people.As I prepared to go to my cousins' wedding ( the one I went to three weeks ago ) I realized that I had packed so many things, and they were scattered around many different places. I found pairs of earnings. I even lost my cell phone or had no signal or something in that nature. Then I thought I saw him, and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced it was him. He saw me too, and we both realized we were once again in the same place. We didn't have a conversation yet we knew we had finally made contact. He was dressed nicely, had a vest on and a pair of corduroy jeans. He looked very stylish, not unlike the young boy he used to be. Somehow I thought he would be old and fat, but he did not disappoint my expectations. I knew I had changed, and reached a dead end and realized I had not payed much attention to where I was driving. I sought a chance to speak with him, but the more time passed the less chances there were to strike up a conversation.

I'd lost my children s' clothes and feared it had been lost.

calm resolution

I am overwhelmed. The sea looks calm in the horizon. Too calm. Then I remember the tsunami warning signs. It ocean is pulling back and the worst is yet to come. And so, I glance back again and sure enough, there it is. A humongous tidal wave, of the worst kind. I don't even bother to run away from it. I brace myself for destruction, for an eminent death. Would it be slow or quick? I would soon find out. The wave crashed furiously over everything, engulfing everything in its way. I managed to swim afloat, I survived, but I feared others were not as lucky. As I recall everything happened so quickly. Ask me if there were survivors and I'll say yes, but I knew none of these people. I shared with them my survival story, and explained how I took my fate with calm resolution, and how I believed that was the reason why I lived to tell my story. If others were so lucky, but none were people I knew....

save me

I see my son by the swimming pool. As I approach him I notice his grandfather and seven year old uncle are there too. Another man stands with his chubby son by the pool. His son seems to be the bullying kind, but acts like an angel as I approach. Suddenly my son is not in sight. I sense that something is wrong and my worst fears are confirmed when I see a shadow below the water in the deep end of the pool. I asked my dad if he had seen him and he said he was there a minute ago. My son does not know how to swim. I lunged towards him, fearing the worst. I tried my best to reach him before it was too late. I woke up instantly and felt relief when I realized it was just a bad dream.